His eye is on the sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? And why should my heart feel lonely and long for Heaven as home when Jesus is my portion? A constant friend is He. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches over me.

Dear God, please forgive me. Teach me all over fore I have been taught all wrong.

Thank You

It's almost like I'm a stranger. As if I'm only on the outside looking in...on myself . Not myself. My therapist told me to stay true to myself because she loves who I am. She told me to cry when I wanted to cry and I did. She told me to laugh out loud when I wanted to laugh and I did; although I couldn't really find the joke at first. I told her I used to be a rapper...and that my sister always found me kind of funny (not as a rapper, lol). She LOVED those characteristics of who I used to be. She said she could picture this side of me, but wondered why it wasn't sitting infront of her.

I want to be a psychologist, and quite honestly, wouldn't mind if I didn't make top dollar (although maybe I should). She said for my information, you CAN make $65 thou doing psychology w/o having your own private practice, and if this is enough for you to live off of then I'm good to go. She thinks I'd make a great psychologist. And I will. I just hope no one else minds me going into that field.

She also told me she thinks I should write more in my blogs (lol --and so I am). Thank You.

Sad..

I used to be smart for a 9 year old. Now I'm just dumb for a 19 year old. Crazy (and not funny) how life works.

Look at each of yourselves.

Honestly, I don't think I'm the one they need to be worried about.

Gravity..

..is working against me. And gravity wants to bring me down. Miss my family so much. Don't even know who I am anymore.

Ever

NOT LOOKIN FORWARD TO NO DAY OF THE WEEK. EVER!

Langston Hughes Mother to Son

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

ps: I love this poem... and I like chocolate stuffed oreo's... but I need to hold on to those memories. Those are what make me okay. Today was an emotional day for the kidd... just can't stop crying. I'm so anxious for my family to come. ..whenever they decide to come.

february

i'll live forever if i could, but not like this.

DANGGGGGITTTTT

UAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! FEEEL LIKE IM DOING BUT NOT DOING ANYTHING LIKE WHAT THE HECKKKKKK. I KNOW IMMA GET SOME SERIOUSSS FEEDBACK TOMORROW. NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! My efforts are merely enough. And I have the worse headache, I just wanna sleep forever and not wake upp.

soc class

behavior and self image are shaped by the factors of nature and nurture. cried all throughout the day.

dinner was good

can't stop crying

tell 'em the truth

history is a nightmare from which i am trying to awake -james joyce

what's today's date?

just want my family back.

mann..

my headache is back and my face is breaking out. under my eyes.

i'm sorry

but I wish I could just talk to her. I know she wouldn't be proud of me but I just really need to talk to her. I need her. Please

the first

Wishing a bunch of wishes that I wished didn't need to be wished. They call it braving the storm. Or at least something like that. But she said its called, "LIFE". I'd say it seems more like jail...if you asked me. But you not asking me. I woke up early today only to check my phone for you. Signed into my myspace to see if I received any messages from you. You were there...you called...but I didn't know what to say to you. I have so many things I want to say, but I can't..get. it. out. Do I miss you? I miss everybody. When will I see you? I can't say. I get GEEKED Upp when he calls. When I hear his voice messages. When he asks me questions from a conversation we had THREE weeks ago. I get GEEKED UP! He sets my heart on fire. I heard some lady sing that song in the hair salon one time; to her boyfriend. I tried to download it, but I couldn't find who sang it. I backtracked my life so far it's almost like I never lived. Like I'm being reborn again or something. And not in the Christian way. But it's cheaper to keep her...I guess. Her being Life; even though I don't know why we assume life is a girl ("life's a bitch"). aint it the truth.

whoa

7 days later. Amen.

starting over

not really. just starting over with the numbering of my blogs. haha. lol today was........also weird. learn something new everyday, too. could you love someone you don't trust? (question of the day...i guess). I'm not in love, I'm just curious. Without trust I don't think you could do many things. Smh..."brazy" (his voice). k goodnight

whos' counting?

today was weird... as hell. and could i have gotten any more phone calls? geesh, what happened to fun filled saturdays? lol (im exemped)

for the umteenth time

Missed a few days of blogging. They've actually been pretty okay. Today was okay too. Except a few minutes ago. Was very angry. Kind of wanted to cry I was so angry but fuck it cuz I'm still shooting stars. Lucky I don't got no blicky or I woulda been shooting more then stars. As I recall I know you loved to show off. But I never thought that you would take it this far. But what do I know... what do I know? Like really. Guess I don't know shit really. I know imma do me though. I know it's simple math. Shit is really just that simple. Made plenty of beds... so I'm laying, yeah I'm laying. But better believe I'm laying comfortably. AND preparing to buy a whole new bed set like... thas what my life lookin like. That was my little metaphor for today. I dont know what tomorrow's gonna bring. Maybe some whole new shit. Who really knows.

fiesty five

False friends are worse than open enemies. Point blank. Other than that, just listening to a lullaby. Today; almost worse than yesterday. One day at a time. Just really wish I could go home...even for a little while.

happy fourth

Laying in a bed that isn't mine. In a house that isn't a home. Watching a tv I can't watch freely. Eating a granola bar that isn't good for me. Writing down scholarships and scholarship qualifications from a website I dread going to. Ehhhhh....... all n all.......... don't call........ I'm doing fine.